Cute dress

I really like this bird cage dress from ASOS. I only wish it was in black and not berry.

Conversation with R #2

R, I want a pet.

What do you want?

I don’t know. Goldfish? Turtle? Rabbit?

OK. Go ahead. But what are you going to do if we move?

Well bring it with us. If you have children you’d bring them with you.

Don’t be ridiculous. Have you seen anyone with a goldfish on an international flight?

@&*%!&%@%!!

Staying home

The weather has been cold these two weeks and I have been feeling so drained of energy so I stayed in over the two weekends. Today R was off too so we slept in for a bit, lazed around in the morning, phoned my family, and dug up the weeds in the front garden so we could put in some daffodil bulbs. I had to stop halfway and come indoors for a mug of hot milky tea because I was frozen and dizzy. By 4.10pm, we had to stop work as the sun was already beginning to set. We only managed to finish planting part of the bulbs. The tulips, I’m afraid we will have to leave them for another time. And in the evening, we warmed up to a lovely meal of grilled sea bass and tangy vegetable curry. Can’t complain. It’s rest I wanted to it’s rest I got this weekend. And tomorrow – a long day travelling up to North Wales for a meeting and I’m sure it will be another busy week in the office.

Castaway

I made a long arduous journey to West Wales yesterday to check out an Activity Centre we want to use for our youth camp in December. Once again it took me the best part of the day to get to and from the place on the train and bus. Some parts of my journey were scenic, especially when I was travelling along the coast. But the weather was so cold and the skies so grey and I really wished I was in the office rather than out and about.

I didn’t have time to eat lunch till 4pm when I bought a sandwich on the train back and ate it while I shivered. The air-conditioning instead of the heating was on but I was too tired to tell the conductor. I fell asleep with my scarf and coat on, with my gloved hands tucked into my pockets. It was raining, dark and windy outside and not particularly warm inside.

But during that 20 minutes I napped, I felt warm, safe and contented.

Don’t worry, be happy

We are going through a difficult time at home recently and it hasn’t been easy for R and I. I’ll share more details when the time is right.

But today someone reminded me I must remember to look after myself and I think she is quite right. I constantly feel very anxious, tensed and on edge but that is very unhealthy for me.

Afterall, although we all have problems, we must always remember to focus on happy things in our lives to keep us going. So I made myself come up with three things to be cheerful about.

1)The orchid plant which the girls got me for my birthday last year is thriving! It has gone blooming crazy this autumn and now has 20 new buds on three new branches. It’s quite a sight and needless to say, it is absolutely stunning.

2) We received our first postcard from the free postcard collection we laid out at the wedding reception! It was from Dan, who wrote to us to say how much he enjoyed our wedding and also to update us about his work and prices of mooncakes after the Mid-Autumn Festival. It really made my day when I read it.

3) I got a big tax refund from Inland Revenue for overpaid tax last year! So now I am £700 richer.

I’m trying to put my blinkers so I can overlook all my worries and focus on taking a day at a time.

“But I love him.”

“So love him.”

“But I miss him.”

“So miss him. Send him some love and light every time you think about him, and then drop it. You’re just afraid to let go out the last bits of David because then you’ll really be alone, and Liz Gilbert is scared to death of what will happen if she’s really alone. But here’s what you gotta understand, Groceries. If you clear out all that space in your mind that you’re using right now to obsess about this guy, you’ll have a vacuum there, an open spot - a doorway. And guess what the universe will do with that doorway? It will rush in- God will rush in- and fill you with more love than you ever dreamed. So stop using David to block that door. Let it go.”

p. 158

Prayer is a relationship. half the job is mine. If I want transformation, but can’t even be bothered to articulate what, exactly, I’m aiming for, how will it ever occur? Half the benefit of prayer is in the asking itself, in the offering of a clearly posed and well-considered intention. If you don’t have this, all your pleas and desires are boneless, floppy, inert, they swirl at your feet in a cold fog and never lift. So now I take the time every morning to search myself for specificity about what I am truly asking for. I kneel there in the temple with my face on that cold marble for as long as it takes me to formulate an authentic prayer. If I don’t feel sincere then I will stay there on the floor until I do.

p. 186

Eat, Pray, Love. Elizabeth Gilbert.

On the go

I had such a long day on Monday. I started the day at 0615 and didn’t get home till 1945. Half that time was spent travelling- 3 hours each way to mid-Wales for a conference we organised. Going there was the fun part. My colleague drove and part of our journey involved going up and down through the mountains, dazzling in rich autumnal gold at this time of the year. The views at the top, overlooking the valleys, were especially stunning. Pity about the sheep though – there weren’t really any to be seen. Plus, it was bloody freezing.

Conversation with R

You have mascara on your eyelids.

It’s OK.

No it’s not. You always have that smeared on your eyes. Everytime.

Nobody can see.

Of course they can. I can see two black dots on your eyelids.

Oh never mind.

You need to be aware of that.

$£%$%£@$

Happy Halloween!

11.30am. Sawed off the top of the pumpkin to get inside.

11.45am. Scooping out the flesh in the pumpkin to make soup later.

12.00pm. Drawing the face and carving the pumpkin.

6.00pm. Pumpkin sitting at the entrance of our house, attracting some local kids.

8.00pm. Enjoying pumpkin soup with naan bread and sundried tomatoes.

Chicken nuggets

The first time I went to R’s house was in summer 2007, when I came to the UK to attend my graduation ceremony. We had broken up for two months just before that. Then that afternoon, when we saw each other again, we both realised how much we didn’t want to let go.

He showed me around his little bungalow, we went for a walk around the fields, and we came back to the house to have dinner. All he had in the fridge were some chicken nuggets and soup. So the first meal  I had as a guest at his house was, chicken nuggets with ketchup.

You know how some men who live on junk food and takeaways would actually try to whip up a gourmet meal if a girl was coming around, just to impress her? Er, not my husband. Alright, to be fair he did suggest we go to the supermarket to buy some fresh ingredients but I was really quite contented with the chicken nuggets.

But this has now become our private joke. The other night I was rooting through the freezer for something I could have for dinner and I found some… chicken nuggets! So I said in a thick American accent, “I think I’m going to have chicken nuggets tonight. Just like the very first meal I had at your house. All you could offer me was chicken nuggets!” We both burst out laughing.

But I do like chicken nuggets. They have a very special place in my heart.