Archive for September 2012

I miss you

September 21, 2012

Sorry for looking like a maid in this photo.

This were my last few moments with my car before the new owner took off with it.

I asked R to take a quick photo as I realised I haven’t got a picture with the first proper car in my life.

The sale happened so quickly. I had advertised the car online for 6 days and did not get a single enquiry until 6pm last night. Then the guy showed up with the cash, immediately liked the car and we closed the deal within 30 minutes.

I never realised saying goodbye to your old car was so difficult. I could not sleep last night; I tossed and turned in bed, thinking of my little Hyundai Atoz, which had served me so well over the last year, hoping the new owner looks after it and treats it gently.

I found myself cringing as I sat next to him when he took it for a quick spin. He was too hard on the accelerator and brakes. I wanted to tell him, “be gentle with her!”

God, it’s almost like selling your kid, you know. Your heart bleeds a little.

My Hyundai has taken me places. Mainly to the supermarket and to pick up R at the hospital in the beginning. She gave me the opportunity to refresh my driving skills again because I had clean forgotten what I learned 7 years ago. She took us to North Wales, to the Brecon Beacon Mountains, to the Cotswolds, to the beach, and more recently, she took me to work every week. She was a very basic car. Essentially a tin can on wheels. No refinements, lots of problems.

But you never forget your first love, do you?

Even when your husband buys you a proper (albeit 12-year-old) Mercedes-Benz A160 for your birthday.

I still miss her you know, my old dame.

Just get me something that sucks…

September 11, 2012

I will be 32 in a week or so! I’m glad R has got the day off so at least the three of us will be able to spend the day together. This year, unlike last year, I don’t intend to make such a big fuss. I had wanted lots of presents and attention last year because my 30th went practically unnoticed due to the arrival of Lucien.

So here’s my plan for my 32th. Have a big fat oily fry-up for breakfast. It’s my birthday so the diet will have to wait. I hope the weather will be decent so we can go outdoors sometime in the day, and then end the evening with a nice meal at a fish restaurant with my boys and my sister and brother-in-law.

I have asked my in-laws for a hand-held cordless vacuum cleaner as my birthday gift. You really should have seen their bewildered and disgusted faces.

They were like, “I mean, don’t you want something for YOURSELF? Not the HOUSE?”

I said, “Hey who do you think is going to use the vacuum cleaner?!”

Oh for those who didn’t know, my big vacuum cleaner was a Christmas present, from my husband. Read about it here.

Who am I?

September 4, 2012

You know, when you stop and dwell about things, you get tearful and upset. Well, for me at least. That’s why I prefer to get on with stuff and try not to delve too deeply into how things are for me at the moment.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m good. Nothing bad’s happened. Apart from the fact I feel exhausted and I don’t really have any time to myself. Yes I do maybe, but I’m usually too exhausted to do what I want to do when I have a free moment or two.

We were just having a chat in the car, my husband and I. I said I had a difficult day with Lucien. Life is now very different. I don’t really recognise me. Who am I and what have I done with me? His reply was, you have become Mummy.

Some nights I just lay there thinking of my family whom I haven’t seen in 7 months. My frail, poorly grandmother and the days she used to be well and strong. When she used to cook up a feast for 20 people. Sometimes I worry that when I get up in the morning and look at my phone there will be a text to inform me she has died.

Other nights there will be a whole load of other of other stuff on my mind as I lie in bed. Job, money, parenting, the future.

This year so far has been very tough.