When I grow up…

Lucien is nearly two-and-a-half and I love being with him at this stage. I think now’s the time when I am really enjoying being a parent. My child is interactive, playful, talkative (sometimes making sense, sometimes not), independent, funny but growing too quickly. This is when I wish there is a slow-motion button for my life right now, so I don’t let this all whizz by so fast.

For some weeks he has been resistant about going to playschool twice a week. In the beginning he would be sobbing uncontrollably on the floor when the time came to go to school, kicking and screaming so hard that it would be impossible to put his coat and shoes on. His father bore the brunt of this all. Purely because I had no physical strength to be battling with a little angry bull on the floor. Over his shoulder his father would put him, and carried him to school like a pig off to the slaughterhouse. And of course the little pig would wail and put up a good fight along the way.

Recently the situation has improved. Sometimes he gets anxious when he knows the time has come for us to take him to school. But he no longer cries, kicks or resists. He lets us put his shoes and coat on. He walks there with us. He doesn’t cling to us at unfamiliar settings where there are lots of other children (e.g. indoor play centre), or feels worried about being with other kids.

I took him to school on Tuesday. It was proper pissing down with rain so I put him on the pushchair and stuck the raincover over to keep him dry. He didn’t whimper or cry on the way or as we approached the building like I thought he might. When he got to school and I unbuckled his seatbelt, he jumped off and headed into the classroom straightaway. I had a quick chat with the teachers and as I turned around to leave, he said loudly, “Goodbye, Mummy!” and gave me a big wave.

It broke my heart a little.

Although I am massively pleased he has now embraced going to playschool (he probably doesn’t find it worrying now that he is familiar with the environment and teachers, and he now realises we will pick him up after), it’s a bit sad to realise as your child gains more and more independence, he is going to need you less and less, and the gap between you will grow and grow. He will want to start to do his own stuff, develop his own world and interests, make his own friends, and you will no longer be his universe. He will no longer look at you as if you mean the world to him, the way he did when he was a baby.

It is very bittersweet for me.

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One Comment on “When I grow up…”

  1. hang in there babes, you just need to wait for the sweetest day of all when, after he had grown up and develop his own life but you still mean the world to him 🙂

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