On marriage #2


My mother asked me if I regretted getting married because she said if she could live her life again, she would choose to be single.

I don’t regret getting married but I do sometimes wonder if it was a good idea to have a child (usually when Lucien is whining, screaming, kicking and misbehaving, which is quite often these days). He does have quite a powerful impact on one’s mental well-being. I love kids, but I desperately need back-up, which I currently don’t have and thus for everyone’s sanity, we will stop at one.

“One alarming fact jumps out from the research about happiness and marriage: marital satisfaction drops substantially after the first child arrives. The disruptive presence of new babies and teenagers, in particular, puts a lot of pressure on marriages, and discontent spikes when children are in these stages.” (p. 39, The Happiness Project, Gretchen Rubin)

I don’t regret marrying R. Yes he is the messiest, most talkative and over-opinionated person I have ever met, but he is also a responsible and committed father and husband who doesn’t spend his free time getting pissed at the pub, doing laddish stuff and leaving child rearing to me or squandering his money on fags or any other rubbish. I have come to realise this recently: that I have been overlooking my husband’s virtues by always concentrating on his flaws.

Our marriage is not in trouble but with a toddler, things can get stressful and sometimes you forget to love. Parts of The Happiness Project have been quite interesting and thought-provoking. I have blogged about marriage some months before but constantly working on my marriage is a priority to me because “a good marriage is one of the factors most strongly associated with happiness”. (p.39, The Happiness Project, Gretchen Rubin). I don’t really know what defines a good, happy marriage, but I do know having one doesn’t come easy (at least for me), and I am constantly learning.

Explore posts in the same categories: Drama, Relationship

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