Breakdown


Halfway through feeding Lucien his breakfast, I broke down. I sat on the floor with my back against the wall, my knees curled up and my head buried between them. R had just finished two night shifts which meant I had to look after Lucien solidly on my own for two days and two nights. This would have been okay had I not been down with a cold and if Lucien could sleep through the night. He doesn’t and I don’t exactly know why. Possibly his nose is congested? his gums feel weird? he is thirsty? hungry? too hot? too cold? If only he could speak, that would really make our lives easier. So I manage on average about 2-3 hours’ sleep a night and this morning I just totally lost it. I feel so trapped. I haven’t left the house since the end of December. I want to but I don’t have the energy. And since we are all ill, it’s best we keep our germs to ourselves. I feel my life is a never-ending cycle of baby talk, housework, toy cleaning, baby food, Lucien, Lucien and more Lucien. And I don’t have time and energy for anything else. What happened to MY LIFE? I felt so sorry for myself. And so I started wailing (I mean it. Like REALLY crying out loud.) on the floor, Lucien was clinging to my foot and R had his arms around me. I am burnt out. Completely.

Explore posts in the same categories: Drama, Family

6 Comments on “Breakdown”

  1. mel wang Says:

    HUGGGGG, babe you are my hero 🙂 When you return, we go for girlie catchups k? Nothing about babies, all nonsense girlie talk xx

    • tintedglasses Says:

      I felt so useless for breaking down! I felt I should be stronger. So many mothers go through this, why am I so weak?! I kept apologising to R the whole day.

  2. Alison Says:

    I don’t have kids and I can’t relate but I do strong believe that things do get better! I hope that your sleep deprive days will be over soon and Oh well i don’t know what to say. Take care and 加油!

    • tintedglasses Says:

      Thanks Alison! Yes this is only a temporary phase but when you are living in it, it feels forever! Hope you are still baking those lovely nibbles, I have been looking at your pictures and drooling over them!

  3. mel wang Says:

    Don’t be silly babe, you have every reason to break down! I break down all the time and it is just work. Don’t feel bad, it is how we manage 🙂

  4. fefe Says:

    you’re just a human…so many mothers go through this and they too develop different experiences and form ways to overcome them..i think it’s important to recognize them and acknowledge that you do want to make things better except the struggle part..my sis told me how crazy it is..and sometimes when my mom unintentionally said unpleasant things, i would tell my mom not to do it so the same awful experience she went through doesnt trancend to her own daughter..one needs to learn through experience and one will..glad yr mom has always been there..and R who took the initiative to help u in many ways…be strong and stay positive 🙂


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