Six months


3 days.

2 months.

6 months.

——————————

This time six months ago, I was about to enter the operating theatre for an emergency Cesarean section, after being in labour for 11 hours. I sat for hours in the bath to ease the throbbing uterine pain the night before. I did not and could not sleep. Panadol was useless. I can still remember how weak and rough I felt when I first came home from the hospital. When I was discharged, I had to be wheeled to the car from the ward. I had fever and chills. I couldn’t bathe myself. I couldn’t even get out of bed on my own. I can still remember the first night home – Lucien was so, so, so hungry he cried until 2am. I had no breastmilk and as a last resort, R ran to the petrol station across the road and found a tin of infant formula. I had starved my baby that night. I can still remember crying everyday for the first few weeks. I was so clueless- what did my baby want?! On Christmas Day, Lucien turns six months. He’s still not sleeping through the night but he’s starting solids and he’s teething! The last time I had a proper night’s sleep was in June 2010. There were so many occasions where I thought, “I really wish I hadn’t had him.” There were so many tears of frustration. And then I would hear him chuckle away loudly like a silly goat. And then I realise I do love him to bits.

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