Babies, hubbies, families


When I was younger and still single, I used to hear people say, “They wanted to save/strengthen their marriage, so they had a baby” or “Having a baby can really make or break the relationship”. Now that I am older and married (though I really can’t say I am that much wiser), I can really fully appreciate why they say that.

Because having babies and bringing up kids is stressful and is a real test which can draw a couple closer or push them apart.

I’ve only got a kicking bump at the moment and I already find it tough at times. But the problems now are just a microscopic chip of a huge iceberg. I can already imagine how much more difficult it would get when the baby comes, and how strong a couple needs to be to go through the rough times together. Hell, on top of managing the relationship, you’ve now got a kid to manage too.

Having been pregnant for almost 8 months, I can only say I am thankful I am not a single mum. I know there are lots of women who either by choice or circumstance, have to go through their pregnancy on their own. I admire their strength. It is an extremely challenging time which I really cannot imagine going through without the support of my husband. I know there isn’t much a man can help you to do physically – they can’t take away the fatigue, the nausea, the heartburn, the leg cramps – but to have someone around when you are at your most vulnerable can make you feel so safe and comforted.

If I hadn’t gotten pregnant, I wouldn’t have discovered a different side to R. A more tender side to his usual tough, cynical and arrogant disposition.

I know he’s a nurse but I never thought he would look after me to the extent he did whenever I got ill. Staying up with me through the night, watching me puke, rubbing my back, making sure I religiously oil myself with the stretchmark cream.

I am also very surprised to find out he is actually quite paternal and hands-on because I never thought he is interested in babies. Afterall this is the man who always tells me, “I don’t want any children, that’s why I didn’t have any in my first marriage.”

But for a man who allegedly has zero interest in kids, he has truly amazed me.

He fervently researched about push-chairs, carry cots and baby carriers and bought the well-reviewed ones. I don’t even have a clue about how they work. My whole cupboard is now jam-packed with nappies and tubes of cracked nipple cream which he bought when they were on sale.

He reads to the baby my belly and makes sure I do so in Chinese because “nobody really knows how babies learn and develop – it doesn’t harm to start the process early.” He is actually excited about nappy-changing because he does it all the time (at work, with patients) and he wants to see how fast he can do it with the baby (he’s sick in my opinion). He wants to buy a nifty camcorder so he can record the baby’s significant moments. He came with me to the antenatal workshop.

Maybe this is all too early to tell but I do think that having a baby has actually brought out the best in him. He’s more caring, more attentive, more sympathetic, more considerate, more understanding. I feel our relationship has improved now that we have a common goal – to give the baby the best we can.

What I’ve realised is that if you are having a baby for the right reasons (i.e. not to save a failing marriage) and under the right circumstances (i.e. both are ready for the commitment), it’s a wonderful experience that no doubt deepens the bond between a couple.

I have learnt so much about R over the past 8 months. But the best thing by far is discovering for myself he will make an awesome father. I feel blessed and I am really looking forward to our new adventure together.

Explore posts in the same categories: Life, Relationship

3 Comments on “Babies, hubbies, families”

  1. Alison Says:

    congrats on the baby 🙂

  2. estique Says:

    that truly sounds amazing!


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