So what if we are different?

Sometimes I just get really worked up when people ask me, “You’re with someone so much older. What do YOU have in common? What do YOU talk about? Don’t YOU worry about your future?”

Sometimes I really just want to say, “It’s really none of your business because what do YOU know about us? And why should it concern YOU?” But very often I am polite enough to give a rational reply.

I used to be very worried about how others think of us. They’ll gossip because of our age gap. They’ll say he’s a cradle-snatcher, a dirty old man, and I am either in for the money or the citizenship. They’ll perhaps cringe or snigger when they think of our sex life, because they think he’ll probably die on me or he’s impotent.

But in recent years as I get older and especially after gaining our families’ approval and acceptance, I’ve come to realise that it’s really not important what strangers or aquaintances think of us or how they judge us. Because as cliche as it sounds, what we do is really about us and nobody else.

Sure I can find someone who is similar to me. We can be a so called “normal” couple of similar age, social background, culture and upbringing. We may look happy and compatible in front of others but we may fight incessantly once the front door is shut. We may both look young and healthy but mishaps, illnesses and death may affect us too. We may be from the same race, religion, country and social class, but that does not mean we are on the same wavelength.

Is it more important to conform or to pursue what you think is your happiness? I’m not saying our relationship will last forever. Lots of relationships don’t. Things change, people change, and feelings are lost.

What I am trying to say, is everything in life is a gamble. You can make careful plans or “sensible” choices, but that doesn’t mean everything will be smooth-sailing and be how you want it to be.

Every decision we make carries a risk. There are few guarantees in life.

It’s really not about looking out for sure-wins but how we face up to life, adversities and the reality. Oh and also shallow, undermining comments.

Explore posts in the same categories: Life, Relationship

7 Comments on “So what if we are different?”

  1. People are strange… I think some people will always try and make others feel bad about their choices, whether it’s who you’ve chosen as a partner, what you do for a living, where you live etc… Best we can do is ignore them I think! As long as you’re happy that’s all that matters really 🙂

  2. fefe Says:

    nod nod…

  3. Chillies Mom Says:

    Don’t be sucked in by the simpleton mentality of the conforming, single-brained Singaporean. These are the same people who would enjoy the convenience of the ROM and HDB at the same building complex. The people who matter are the ones that will stand by you during the ooo’s and ahh’s and sometimes the ‘what the fuck’ moments. Don’t let fuck-wits who have done NOTHING with their lives dictate how you live yours.

  4. Annabel Says:

    Who wants to be a boring normal couple anyway!

  5. ap Says:

    i am dating someone a lot older than i am currently and he isn’t really comfortable about being seen in the public with me and that makes me a little sad. It is even worse when people just plainly stare at us when we head out together. Your entry inspired me to ignore what all these people say and for that I am going to try harder to make my relationship work!

    • tintedglasses Says:

      ap, it took us a LONG time to get over people’s stares and gossips, but at the end of the day it’s how you feel with your partner that decides whether the relationship goes further and not what others think you should be doing. It also helps to have supportive friends and family, because people who truly care about you would want you to be happy.

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