On caning

I was eating at the Parkway Parade food court one Saturday when a boy at the next table started to throw a tantrum. He sulked and refused to eat his food.

The father glared at him and without warning, delivered a loud slap across his face. The stunned boy cried loudly and searched for his mother’s bosom for comfort. Some minutes later, he stopped crying and started to eat his noodles quietly.

I am not an advocate of public shaming/beating. I felt uncomfortable watching the father slapping his child in such a busy food court. Yet I could understand why he did it. It was a quick way to get the child to shut up and do what you want him to do.

I was caned up till I was 12. When I was younger, my father would hold me when my mother caned me and he would end up being whacked too. Other times, my mother would lock me in a room and deliver the strokes. There was once she told me to get out of the flat and slammed the front door. I was no more than 11. I stood along the corridor for ages until she let me in again.

But my mother, before she punished me, would always tell me why I was being punished. She would tell me why she was upset with me or what I had done wrong. Some parents don’t believe in hitting their children. Some parents hit their children frequently and viciously when they are naughty.

But hitting them without explaining to them why they were being hit often leaves the kid confused. Very often, he may not know what he’d done wrong. He may think you are doing it for no reason. He may continue to make the mistake again. My auntie would beat her child, and after that because of guilt, she would go and buy my cousin a new toy. I don’t think he ever understood what the whole caning thing was about.

I support caning as I believe there’s no point in going through lengthy reasoning with a young kid. But I also believe it should be clearly and simply put across to them why you are mad before you launch an attack.

Kids need love, rules and routine. With that, they’d most definitely flourish.

Explore posts in the same categories: Family

4 Comments on “On caning”

  1. shir Says:

    with regards to both of your parenting related posts…i personally believe that most parents want to bring their child up right, and they truly try their best, but oftentimes they don’t know how to do it, and honestly, i don’t think there’s a “right” way in child-rearing.

  2. Roger Says:

    Illegal to hit children here,Chen.
    Kids here threaten to report their parents to Childline or Social Services if they are disciplined.
    Praise child for doing things you want to encourage, ignore the undesired behaviours to avoid reinforcing them through attention (yes,a LOT harder to do than to say-lots of gritting of teeth)and use brief and if necessary repeated confinements to allow child to realise that they will not be rewarded for bad behaviour. Most of all, engage with your child.Gifts never equate to time in the long run.And be consistent. Beat/assuage guilt with gifts is not helpful.

  3. Annabel Says:

    I’ve to agree with Roger. I think physical punishment is barbaric and backward. Most parents use Time Out these days and that’s definitely what psychologists recommend during parenting sessions.

  4. Jeano Says:

    what a controversial topic this is proving to be. Personally, i think parenting styles really depend on individual beliefs and philosophy. There are no absolutes or fool-proof instructions on how to raise the perfect child. I can’t say a spank now and then is considered barbaric. But as long as there’s consistency in dealing out punishment/incentives, fairness, and open communication between parent and child, it er, shouldn’t go too far wrong.

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