Getting cold feet


Is it natural to freak out at the thought of your big day?

After a brief period of excitement, you feel your chest tightening and heart racing as planning details and living arrangements fall into place. They are gradually turning into reality and no longer just random romantic thoughts.

It suddenly dawns on us that being in love is not so fantastic afterall as we realise it actually comes with a lifetime unrefundable package of responsibility and commitment.

Though we want to be with the one we love, we’re also desperately worried, anxious and scared to accept that package. We just lose all whatever confidence we have and start to think… …

Can we live up to others’ expectations? Will we let anyone down? Can we give our partner the best? Will he/she be happy? Can we look after him/her? Are we depriving him/her of better things? And all the sacrifices that we make, are they worth it?

All of a sudden we let ourselves get consumed by endless worries and everything seems so awfully bleak. We stop ourselves in our tracks and ask, “Oh my god, what the hell am I doing? Is this going to be a terrible mistake?”

The truth is, nobody goes to their wedding ceremony without a doubt. There is nothing wrong, unusual or problematic for having doubts. The only question we need to ask ourselves is: what is it that we are doubting?

It’s important at this point to determine what it is we are really questioning – whether it’s the relationship itself or simply the daunting idea of marriage.

Do we not love our partner enough to want to marry? That’d be a truly freaky realisation. Or do we just hate the idea of going through it and what comes after?  

If the answer is the latter, I guess that many couples go through the same fears – after all, it is going to be a major, major step to take in life and it is impossible to know now what will happen and how we will feel in 20 or 30 years.

Therefore, when we make the commitment to be with that same person for the rest of our lives, we feel terribly frightened that we won’t know how to build our lives together.

What if we fall ill and become a burden to him/her? What if we fall out of love with him/her? What if money becomes a big problem? What if we fight?

Thus, while it may seem to friends that it’s a time filled with joy and romance, to the couple it may be quite the opposite, because in truth it is a very difficult period, a pretty unsettling time filled with stress, responsibilities, and doubt.

We are creatures of habit, not creatures of change, so it is only natural that something of this magnitude will be scary for those going through it.

But before we allow ourselves to sink with our fears, we really need to get a grip and remind ourselves that it’s something we’ve spoke about and wanted for a long time.

It’s not a rash decision but a carefully thought-through commitment we want to make to the one we’ve loved for years, because we want to support and love each other for life.

Sure, you may have one more person to be fully responsible for, but you’d too be taken care of. Sure, you will meet obstacles and challenges, but you find strength in knowing you get advice and help from each other. Sure, you may sometimes feel so hopeless, but there’d always be a pair of arms around you to assure you. Sure it will be a hell of a ride, but at least we won’t be scared and alone.

So why let our fears take over our plans now? Wouldn’t it make more sense to turn that fear of failure into sheer determination to make sure it will work out well, no matter what or how hard it takes?

It’s true that so many brides and grooms get overwhelmed by the wedding preparation and feelings of stress and uncertainty, but totally forget there’s a reason they said yes in the first place.

And often, a very good one.

Explore posts in the same categories: Relationship

One Comment on “Getting cold feet”

  1. shir Says:

    i guess i wont ever understand what u’re going through until I get married myself. But nonetheless, as u said, its a matter of reminding urself why u said yes in the first place. 🙂

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