My name is Herbal Tea

It really isn’t easy living with 4 women. You get into trouble for what you said, what you should have said or what you didn’t say. You get into trouble for what you did, what you should have done or what you didn’t do.

It’s just too easy to make a mistake when you are with women. They take everything to heart, think too much, worry too much and control too much.

On Friday evening, some colleagues decided to head out for dinner so I SMSed my mother at about 1pm to tell her I won’t be eating at home. “I’m really upset with you. I have already made the soup. I don’t want to cook anymore ever. You lot are just so unappreciative. Don’t call me, I don’t want to talk to you,” came her reply. 

Did she have to over-react like this? I didn’t exactly tell her at the last minute. I’m sure she hasn’t finished whipping up dinner dishes at 1pm. I obviously was considerate enough to give her ample notice to make alternative arrangements.

But I know the real reason why Mum lost her temper at me. She has been having a hard time training the new helper, pacifying my ever grouchy and moody grandmother, and making plans to renovate my leaking bathroom. I know she feels overwhelmed.

Though I was thinking to myself “What the hell? I don’t deserve this kind of bad behaviour”, I bit my tongue and texted her this instead.

I know you are stressed about the maid and many things. I am sorry I am inconsiderate. Please calm down and don’t lose your temper. I will come home to drink soup.”

And she did calm down quickly after that.

Compliments, reflection of feelings and not reacting when people get angry. These are a few useful techniques which I picked up at counselling class. And I have witnessed great results since putting them to practice.

It took me so long to realise that when people get upset or angry, sometimes all they need is for someone to emphathise with them. Just recognising that they feel lousy, and reflecting those feelings in words. It does wonders to quieten them.

It may seem to others that you are giving in all the time by not reacting. But the truth is you know you are the one who’s in control of the situation.

Still that doesn’t mean I could get away with the soup. I was already absolutely stuffed with fish and ice-cream from Swensen’s but still forced a bowlful of lotus-root soup down my throat at 10.30pm.

What to do? They are family.

Explore posts in the same categories: Family

2 Comments on “My name is Herbal Tea”

  1. Roger Says:

    It isn’t easy living with one woman, either 😉

  2. tintedglasses Says:

    Hey thanks!

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