At the County Show

That is quite a unique goat, no?

I think the goat wants his lunch!

Colourful rosettes. Do you think goats would feel disappointed if they came in 6th? Who cares?

This was a friendly fella who enjoyed being stroked and touched. He was beautiful.

At the chicken coop, we were amazed at the different variety of eggshell colours.

This has to be the cutest duck ever.

Old school favourites

舞謝歌台

七月俏佳人

青春123

奇緣

雾锁南洋

飞跃巅峰

红头巾

I was so happy last evening having found all these video clips. I heart all these songs and drama serials from the 80s and 90s. Why can’t they make proper storylines like these anymore? Which is your favourite?

同年回忆

上个星期和H聊起儿时看过的中国电视电影。我想起了小铃铛。可爱的木偶和可爱的小演员。

还有，你记得原版的西游记吗？那耳熟的主题曲？

谁能忘记脍炙人口的济公主题曲？哪有不平哪有我。

Great Chinese productions during my childhood. Wonderful memories.

Birthday picnic

It was R’s birthday on Saturday so we went for a picnic at the top of a hill nearby. There is a stone bench constructed in memory of a man who probably had used to come up here very often.

We sat on the grass and use the bench as our picnic table, overlooking the view of the entire village. On our way back we stopped to pet a big brown horse in the fields but his sharp sense of smell picked up the tortilla chips in our picnic bag.

He started following us and biting the bag and I’m not being dramatic but we literally had to run for our lives as he starting chasing us! Well what can I say apart from thank goodness for cattle barriers!

Idiot’s guide to showering with a watering can

Toll

When I saw this at the toll station I thought it looked like throwing coins into the toilet bowl. Don’t you?

Will I ever learn?

I am glad I stuck with the plan to visit H in London this weekend. We went to Covent Garden and then shopped around Regent Street before grabbing dinner at Chinatown.

It was really nice to break away from the normal routine and do something different. I realised that I really needed those few days to give myself a little break from the incessant worrying.

I find myself experiencing bursts of ups and downs. There would be moments where I would be so engulfed by fear that I break down and sob uncontrollably, even if that meant I was on the train. And then there would be times where I would be positive and confident that things weren’t as bad as I made them out to be.

For now, there are no plans for me to return home to see my grandmother. Her condition has stabilised more or less, and she is starting to perk up as time goes by. Her foot is starting to recover slowly and I hope she will soon get her appetite back too. However she continues to have her fits, which will now have to be controlled by anti-epileptic medication.

I’ve come to realise that while I have been blessed with many abilities and very often the right approach on life, I have zero skills on dealing with illnesses, fragility and death. And I suspect I may never will.

Fear

I am having trouble staying focused as I find myself worrying about my grandmother all the time. She was very very weak when she came out of theatre but is now well enough to be transferred to a normal ward. My Mum said she looks better today although she is still very confused, groggy and dazed.

I’ve been anxiously trying to see if I can get home but I haven’t had the chance to speak to my boss with everyone so busy with work. I’ve also been obsessively checking websites for air-tickets several times a day and just dying to be able to be home to I don’t have to frantically phone my Mum each day for updates.

I wish I could tell my colleagues and friends why I look so blank and pre-occupied but I don’t feel I have a close enough relationship with any of them to share any of this, and besides, what can they say apart from “I’m so sorry about her.” I don’t really need anyone to feel sorry for me or my family. I need support yes, but not pity.

I’ve been allowing myself to be consumed by worry and anxiety over the past few days. I mean what if grandma remains confused forever and doesn’t even know who I am?

But I am trying my best to get a grip and not panic. I’ve been telling myself that while grandma’s condition is serious, her life is not hanging by a thread. And mental confusion after a major surgery and heavy-duty painkillers is very common among the elderly but it usually resolves in a few weeks.

I am trying to be calm and rational but being so far away and so helpless, everything just seems so bleak and frightening.

I just wish there was an easy way out of this.

365

Exactly a year ago I was on a British Airways flight to London, having quit my teaching job with a comfortable salary. My girlfriends threw me a surprise farewell party where I cried because I didn’t know I might be running back home in two weeks. You see, apart from knowing I would have somewhere to live permanently in a small town in South Wales, nothing else was guaranteed.

But the love I had for R was strong enough to uproot me from Singapore to settle here, in a desperate bid to my our relationship work. I spent three months filling in application after application for jobs and going for interviews knowing I wouldn’t be the selected candidate. I sat in the library trawling through the net for job ads and reading books to pass time. I painted all the doors in the house.

If it hadn’t gotten a job, I expect I would have probably headed back to Singapore. I had enough of having to worry about my finances and my weekly phone calls back home to report another week had gone by without the promise of a job. Listening to my Mum grumble about me “wasting my time and youth doing nothing”. It was great hanging around doing nothing for a few weeks, but when they turn into months of fruitless job searching, it wasn’t really  so fun anymore.

At my darkest moment my luck turned. A random decision to get back in touch with the guy who interviewed me secured me a temporary part-time job, which was then offered to me on a permanent basis. That was also around the time when R and his mother moved into the new house, and we all started living together under one roof.

It was a difficult time when I think about it now, having to cope with a new job and living arrangement during the start of a very cold winter, but taking one day at a day, it didn’t seem so bad. There were arguments of course, cold wars and tears but it was all part of learning to live together. And shortly after that we opened a joint bank account.

In late January R went home with me to Singapore for Chinese New Year where he was formally introduced to all my family members for the first time. Grandma was wheelchair bound by this time and one of her toes had turned black. We persuaded her to have it removed after the festivities and take the recommended medication to improve the blood circulation in her leg.

I remember weeping all the way from the moment I was separated from my waving family by the glass doors of Terminal 3’s departure hall, to when I sat down on the airport coach back to the town. My family telephoned me a few weeks later to tell me Grandma had undergone surgery to remove her gangrous toe and I was somewhat relieved.

However, things just went downhill from there. Her wound wouldn’t heal because of insufficient blood supply to her foot and I was shocked by her weak physical state when I went home in May. I extended my originally nine-day trip to 15 days. R was very supportive and concerned about my grandmother throughout this time and said if I had to stay out there and take unpaid leave, we could manage on his salary alone.

When I returned from Singapore we went away to Edinburgh for a few days at the start of summer to celebrate 10 years of knowing each other. R  had no interest in Scotland prior to his visit but I think the wonderful scenery and beautiful city changed his mind. As for me, Edinburgh remains as one of my most favourite places to visit.

During our trip we made plans to work on the house, so I dug up the dying spring plants when we returned and gave the front garden a new makeover with pretty summer flowers. We also finally ordered a new L-shape sofa eight months after moving in. I am sometimes frustrated but on the whole very settled in and happy with work, and glad to know my efforts are recognised. In early July, R suddenly said, “Did you know in three months we would be married?” I hadn’t realised how quickly time had crept up on us.

Sadly my grandmother’s condition had yet again deteriorated. Just last Friday, she had a successful leg bypass operation to boost blood supply to her foot but she also had to remove some other bits of her foot which had turned bad.

The effects of this major surgery on her were tremendous. I was told she had an epileptic fit the next morning and she remains quite weak, tired and confused till now. A brain scan actually revealed that she has a tumour in her head, which we are unsure if had spread from the cancer cells from her breast tumour some years ago.

Whatever the nature of the tumour is, my family has decided there will be no more torturous operations for grandma. It hasn’t altered her personality or affected her motor skills or memory, and we just want her to recover from her leg bypass and enjoy whatever amount of time she has ahead of her. It is inevitable we will lose her one day, and I think we are all somewhat mentally prepared for it.

I cried my heart out after hearing the news yesterday, but I am surprisingly calm and positive now. All she ever wanted was to see me get married and I am even more determined for her to do that in 11 weeks.

Exactly a year since I left Singapore, I’m propped up against a couple of fluffy pillows on my bed after returning from the gym while the summer rain pelts down outside.

I am devastated to have been told I have caught on a Welsh accent and because of my job I can rattle off the names of all 22 Welsh counties faster than someone from Wales. I actually enjoy gardening like a Brit, something I never thought I’d love. I place more emphasis on family life than work life. I leave work at 430pm each day.

It is simply overwhelming when I sit down to think about how much has changed over the period of 12 months and how far my journey has taken me. Yet despite knowing I have somewhere to live permanently in a small town in South Wales, I have a relatively stable job, I will get married, I feel even more strongly that nothing should be taken for granted, for nothing, is guaranteed.

Hats at Royal Ascot

A really delayed post on the lovely hats and fascinators spotted at the Royal Ascot last month. My favourite is Princess Eugenie’s lime green satellite dish hat and her purple outfit.