A difficult Sunday

There was no easier way to go about doing it so I took Aunt and Mum out for dinner and just blurted out my plans for the year.

As expected, I met with strong resistance. Our age difference, family situation, country of residence all made it very difficult for Mum or many people around me to understand why I choose to be with R.

“Isn’t there somebody more suitable?” “He’s a bit old, isn’t he?” “Do you have to look after his 90-year-old Mum?” “Why can’t he move to Singapore?” “Can he support you?”

I spent the whole evening being interrogated by Mum yet I know none of my answers can satisfy her or dismiss her disappointment. I know her concerns are valid and she only has my interests at heart.

Yet despite the obstacles, I have my heart set on wedding him. Am I naive? Maybe. Have I thought it through? Perhaps not thorough enough. And even after careful consideration, will I change my mind? I don’t want to and I won’t.

My Mum asked, “What’s so good about him?” It’s so difficult trying to answer why you are in love with someone or why you get along better with some friends. It comes as a package rather than individual items. I can only say we share similar values, beliefs, lifestyles, hobbies, goals, interests, humour, tastes.

“Well,” Mum said solemnly, “Think it over carefully. Just make sure this is what you want.” Then she withdrew and became really cold and serious. I can’t blame her. I know I must give her time to come to terms with what I was proposing.

I dropped onto my bed, completely mentally and physically exhausted. With whatever little energy I had left, I rang R. Wishing he was here so I didn’t have to go through this alone, I fought back tears as I recounted the events. Then I simply closed my eyes and drifted out of consciousness.

At 0630, I received an email which again brought tears to my blurry eyes:

You are my best friend, my lover, the one whose voice I delight in hearing at the other end of the telephone, the person I want to see and do things with, and the woman I am trying to avoid hurting. But I don’t think I can achieve that last ambition. You will be hurt. If not sooner, then almost inescapably later.

The emotional capital that you have sunk into our friendship, the time you have spent with me…I will NOT reject you. I will not shy from marrying you. I do love you. I will love you. I also want you to be completely unflinching in looking ahead though, and taking the decision to come here in the light of full awareness of what life may hold for you, for us, rather than on just the basis of things are they are now.

As I sat in the car silently with Mum on the way to school, I thought about the hurt I had caused her. I feel really guilty, but I really want to fight for what I think is my happiness.

Then I thought about the last sentence in R’s email. He’s right and Mum’s right. I really do need to think about the long and arduous road ahead and figure out how I am going to take the ride.